Nominated for Best Porn Book EVER!

Okay, that title is a little misleading. Okay, a lot misleading. But now that I have your attention, I'd love to share that fellow author Bealevon Nolan nominated No Limits for best BDSM in the M/M Romance Group 2017 Members' Choice Awards.

Thank you Bealevon! This is the second time I've been nominated. Last year, Trio nominated Crossing Lines for Best Kink/Fetish. I know everyone says this, but I really am excited just to be nominated. *naked happy dance*

That's not to say I don't want your vote. I do. You have to be a member of the group to vote. Here is the voting link:  Best BDSM. Thanks in advance and thanks for reading. 

You can't buy my love, but you can rent it

You Might Not See Me Anymore

Dramatic title? Sure. But it could happen. Not just to me, but to any and all LGBT authors. Please act NOW to keep the internet neutral. Click on the above image or go to: https://www.battleforthenet.com/

I urge you to make your voice heard. I also urge you to share this message with everyone via any and all social media you have.

Thank you,
Bruce Rose

This Planet Has Issues, Bert

My all-time favorite cartoon about the holidays courtesy of Matt Bradshaw. If you want a giggle, check out his blog Gerbil With a Jetpack. 

Soup is good food and it just might be good medicine

Sometimes, the frequently bought together feature on Amazon is a little weird. Take this example. Laxatives and PAPER TOWELS? What. The. Fuck?

Not judging here. I'm really not. Everyone poops and everyone gets backed up. Frankly, I'm just really curious and little concerned.

Does this product work so well I’ll need not just one but 8 fucking rolls of paper towels? Holy shit! Or epic shit. 

The other thing that caught my eye was the customers who bought this item also bought Campbell's Chunky New England Clam Chowder. 

Given the products it's next to, I'm not sure if it will clear me out, stop me up, or soothe a battered rectum. Perhaps all three. Soup is good food and it just might be good medicine. 

National Coming Out Day

Wanna win a fantastic coming out story? Hop on over to Kimmer's Erotic Book Banter! 

This is the story I'm offering:

He’d always been curious…

A long time ago, fireman Grant Westerman kissed another guy, but the contact was too brief for him to really feel anything. When he meets a man who offers him a second chance, Grant has to know if he’s gay or just curious.

He’d always craved heat…

No stranger to bi-curious straight guys, bartender Conner Dunn is willing to be a part of Grant’s experiment. But when a harmless kiss sparks an almost explosive heat between them, Conner retreats. Given his last relationship, Conner simply can’t risk being vulnerable again.

To move forward, they have to let go of the past…

Determined to prove that a one and done can become an ever after, Grant shelves his lust in order to romance Conner. Exposing their deepest longings brings them together, and builds a solid foundation for a relationship, but will they be able to stand together when outside forces threaten to tear them apart?

Rather just buy a copy? Click here!

What the hell, man?

Okay, so, I'm working on this story, right? And it's supposed to be a short story for my Dirty Shorts series. Just a hot little ditty. But no. These two guys just won't play nice. They keep demanding more. Now it's getting longer and I just... What the hell, man? Why can't my characters listen to me and do what I say? I'm supposed to be freaking GOD to you guys!


Anyway, I didn't want you to wonder what the hell I've been doing over here all this time. I had a plan and, well, it just didn't happen the way I thought it would. C'est la vie.

Eat it

Another tasty tidbit from PostSecret.com. I love this. It's so primal. It reminds me of the story Maurice Sendak, author of Where the Wild Things Are, told:

“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters—sometimes very hastily—but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.” Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” That to me was one of the highest compliments I've ever received. He didn't care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

I have never been compelled to eat a book but I do like to sniff them. :)

Soul-kiss Shifters

His last chance to claim a mate...

In a remote area of the Colorado Rockies, a ragtag band of shifters have joined together, determined to protect one another and the land they call home. Bound by their ability to shift into animal form, they are also bound by their unique way of claiming a mate, but with only three chances to get the soul-kiss right, mistakes can be deadly.

When wolf shifter Logan Faraday finds himself trapped with a dying human, he has no choice but to use his last soul-kiss to save the man’s life. Expecting gratitude, Logan instead gets anger, resentment, and a heaping dose of distrust. Will Logan be able to overcome Kevin Waite’s resistance and forge a relationship, or will he fail and cast himself into the great unknown?

Check out the story for free on Wattpad.

Okay, some info. This is the idea I've been playing with that I wasn't too sure about. It would be a series of books, each book exploring the relationship between two guys, one of them a shifter. Keep in mind only one man is a wolf shifter. Each guy has his own animal and that gives him certain abilities and certain weaknesses. It combines my love of animals with my love of hot man-on-man action. Yes, I'm a perv, but I'm okay with that.

There's only two chapters up right now because I'm really not sure if I want to continue. I guess I'll leave that up to readers. If you like it and want me to keep going, I will. If not, no harm, no foul. I just had to get the idea out of my brain and onto paper. :)

Shameful Secret

Every Sunday, I read PostSecret.com. I get story ideas, character ideas--it just has a tendency to spark things for me. Today, it made me laugh. I do this! I do this every morning when I make eggs. I also have this silicone spoon that makes a great clapping sound against my ass. I pretend it's applause for my fabulous cooking. :)

Smashwords Summer Sale!

Look what I've got for you!

From July 1 - July 31, I'll be offering discounts from 25% to 50% on my books at Smashwords! 

Hurry! You need to buy them now so I can buy beer later. 

Maximum Effort!

No, it's not a real book. I've just been struggling with the one I'm writing so I'm looking for distractions. In Long Haul, Jody finds a book in Ryker's truck called Rimjob Rob. I thought I would give it a cover. Clearly, I need therapy.

I don't often talk about my process because, frankly, who cares, but this is what it feels like to work on my current novel:

Yeah. That sums it up better than anything I could ever say. Or type, rather. Still, I will take solace from my spirit animal, Deadpool, and give it the very best I can. Sally forth!

Have You Seen Me?

You've probably seen this guy way too much. I know a lot of M/M readers sure have. In fact, they've seen some cover models so much they made a list on Goodreads and started keeping a tally.

Once I started doing my own covers, I found out why some guys really get around: they're damn near the only game in town. (I'm aware that rhymed but I like it so it stays.)

For a long while, the lack of handsome blond twinks was so extreme that the one kid examining his nails (dubbed Slave Boy on the thread) got slapped on dozens of books. 

Most authors don't do their own covers so they have to describe their characters to a graphic artist, who does their best to link up the description with the offerings at a stock photo site. This can be tricky, especially if the character isn't your typical waxed-within-an-inch-of-his-life beefcake. Seriously. You try to find a red-haired, bushy-bearded giant who looks like a lumberjack and has flour on his face. Good luck with that. (Yes, I do have such a character for the A Fairview Story series. Poor Terry, the owner of Lucky Irish, is just going to have to wait until I can find something for him.)

This brings us to another cover issue: the headless stud. I did this for Earning Rough:

Why? Because the face doesn't always match the body or the character. Frankly, on this one, I had a hard time finding a cover model with chest hair. Here's the guy with his head:

Handsome guy, but way too friendly looking for what I needed. Vincent Rostad is an arrogant, big-cocked Daddy with some hard-core fetishes. This guy looks like he'd rather sit down and rap about your life experiences than give you one that will make you see God.

So, yeah, the cover doesn't always match the contents, and the same model gets around more than click-bait on Facebook, but graphic artists do their best with what stock photos have to offer. At least now the next time you see Tattooed Migraine Sufferer, who I used on the cover of Hot For Teacher, you'll know why.

They're Back!

All my books are back up on Smashwords!

In a few days, they'll be back on B&N, iTunes, and Kobo too.

I've also combined all the Earning Rough books into one book at 2.99. It's on Smashwords now and should be up on Amazon in a few days.

Thanks for reading!

I'm a Homowner!

That's a homo homeowner, partner. And, lucky me, Colby Keller came round to help me celebrate.

Sure, it was only in my dreams, but it was still very, uh, celebratory. There were streamers and everything! ;)

So, I'm all moved in to my new place and ready to get back to a more normal schedule. First, I have to define "normal" so it might take some time. I hope to have something new for you by the end of June.  

Thanks again everyone for picking up Risky from the DBML program and posting reviews. I really appreciate all the feedback. As for grammar errors and typos--I really am sorry about that, but I'm a one-man band over here. I'm doing my best. If you find something, let me know. I'll fix it and give you a shout out if you want. 

On the nature of Cum/Come

Well, last week was a big one for me. Er, big in terms of what happened, not big in terms of a bacon orgasm. My offer on the condo was accepted! We close this Friday. I am all kinds of scared and excited. Now, to live there, I will have to make sacrifices--human sacrifices--so line up, people!

No, just kidding. But I do have to make some sacrifices with the internet. It's via satellite, which means it's hideously expensive and I can't stream much of anything. So Netflix has to go (whimper) but Trio suggested I get their DVD service, which I totally forgot all about. I think that's a great idea. It will be like getting little presents in the mail every week.

As to the title of this blog: Trio proofread Hell Frat for me and I was using cum/come interchangeably when I do know better. I heard from Selena Kitt that cum is the noun (Don't get cum in my eye, dude) and come is the verb (I'm going to come) so a fun sentence would be:

Oh, my God, I'm going to come a gallon of cum when I come over there with that bucket of bacon cum.

Yeah, that's pretty nasty so let's just hose everything down.

I also engaged in a very fascinating discussion about the many uses of corn cobs--they aren't just for dildos anymore. For more information on that, please check out Trio's review of Hell Frat.

Dirty, filthy, nasty

Now that I've got your attention, I thought I would clear something up about my writing. Yes, I did write that dirty, filthy, nasty tale. I also wrote the slow burn story with the sappy HEA ending. 

I used to have a much longer author bio that talked about how I write what I feel, not what's necessarily marketable. I explained a lot about each story on my webpage, but when All Romance Ebooks folded, they took a lot of money I was counting on. I had to give up my webpage, which sucked, but I'm sure the owner of ARe spent the money on important things like jewelry or her mortgage. 

Anyway, it's gone, but I'm still here, still writing, I've just had to change some things around. I think the only book that still has the original bio is Hell Frat, which also has the corn dildo. Yes. You read that right. A corn dildo. Hey, I thought it worked for the story. And no, you won't find this one on Amazon--they banned it as did iTunes. Probably because of the corn dildo or the extreme fear play or--well, there were a lot of reasons.

Still, I worry that readers go into books with certain expectations, so I think I need a rating system or something. Like a filthy rating from 1-5? If you have any suggestions, let me know. :)

Don't Buy My Love: Risky

You can get this slow-burn, second-chance romance for free! You must be a member of the Goodreads M/M Romance group. ***

Here is the link: https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/18588219-don-t-buy-my-love-open-risky-by-bruce-rose-dbml-362

Falling in love is always risky…

Shane Merrick has poured everything into his nightclub only to find himself days away from bankruptcy. Just about the last thing he needs is a blast from his past, especially one who broke his heart. Keeping his focus off his sexual urges and on his business has been easy. Until now.

Wealthy playboy Jake Lang has a lot to prove. Mainly that he can make something of himself without his father’s money. Opening a nightclub in Fairview seems just the thing until he discovers the man he never forgot running one. Instead of competing against him, Jake has the brilliant idea of joining forces, but first, he has to show Shane that he’s changed. 

Will the two men be able to work together, or will old hurts and new suspicions destroy their second chance?

***Please note that unlike my first book, Crossing Lines, this one is NOT BDSM. There is far more story than sex. Just FYI so you're not disappointed. :)

Don't Panic!

Okay, a shout out to Hitchhiker's Guide but also a reminder to myself. I seriously just need to breathe. :)

The trailer deal fell through, which sucks, but there is a small condo on the market now. I'm looking at that this week.

I am writing but very slowly since the stress of this is really getting to me. I've banned sugar because all I want to do is eat that stuff by the buckets. Frankly, there isn't enough sugar in the world for me right now.

Thank you everyone for reading and posting reviews. I am grateful. Truly. When I get things settled with my living situation, I promise to get more involved in the M/M reading community.  I'm just running on fumes right now. But know that I think you guys are totally awesome. Epically awesome. Megally awesome! When I started doing this, I did it for fun but it's really become something much more. Being accepted by other people for doing what I love makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. :)

Also, Risky is coming up for read to review through the Goodreads M/M group. Here is the link to get an email notice:  https://www.goodreads.com/event/show/1014264-dbml-362-risky-by-bruce-rose

Okay, that's all for now. Back to running around like crazy and craving sugar. :)

A Late Weekend Update

Well, the MST3K reboot was fun. I loved all the new characters and the cameos were great. Hearing different voices for the bots took some getting used to, but I love sassy Tom even more now. :)

I'm late with this posting since I'm in the process of buying a trailer. Being a renter in Colorado (or anywhere) really sucks right now. Rent goes up and up and there's just no end in sight.

If you follow me on Pinterest, you'll see a fuckton of trailer stuff. It's a single wide and very small but it's attached to land (no lot rent--yay!) and I can do some of the work rehabbing it myself.

Hey, I'm not just another perv writer who practices the manly art of home economics. I also practice the feminine art of home restoration. ;)

Please send me good vibes for my offer to go through.

Also, a really big thank you to all the people posting reviews and ratings on Goodreads.

THANK YOU!

Get it? A really big thank you? Yeah. I think I'm funny. I'm not, but I like thinking that I am. :)

It's Here! The new MST3K is finally here!

You people are lucky I haven't been posting non-stop about this reboot of my all-time favorite show. Seriously. My love for MST knows few bounds. After almost two decades off the air, they are back! *naked happy dance* Now, not only are they back, but the mads (mad scientists to the uninitiated) are played by Felicia Day and Patton Oswalt, two incredibly, epically awesome people. My weekend plans involve binge watching this show until my huge, throbbing erection subsides! *more naked happy dancing*

Idiot Control

With a pickle mind
We kick the nipple beer
Steady as a goat
We’re flying over trout
Ghetto down the highway
At the speed of light
All I wanna feel now
Is the wind in my eyes
Sack of monkeys in my pocket
My sister’s ready to go


Hear the engines roar now
Idiot control now
Hideous control now
Ninny on the road now


Minnie in control
Wheels on fire
Burning rubber tires
Blurry jelly rolls now
Hiddy lets it go now
Needy inches bow down
Pitying a poor boy
Hear the engines roar
Bees on pie
Burning rubber tires

>
Confused? Check out this video on YouTube or stream the entire movie on Netflix.  Season One, Episode 11, Pod People*
*Note: Contains neither pods nor people. Also known as MST3K** Episode 303 Pod People.
**Note: MST3K aka Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Weekend Update

What did I do this weekend? Shameful, shameful things. I toyed with the dark side. I don’t even know if I should share this. I mean they are watching. But I feel I must say something. I—I—I did my taxes! There. I said it. Whew. I feel better. Oh, I also masturbated excessively, but I do that every weekend. Frankly, after the taxes, I needed it. Probably shouldn’t have done it to furry porn, but after a day of incomprehensible IRS rules, I felt I needed fluffy to offset the slimy.

I also watched Girlfriend’s Day on Netflix. Clearly, I’ve got a Bob Odenkirk thing going on. I’m okay with that. He’s got a certain je ne sais quoi. I think I’ll dedicate a book to him. I really liked the noir/comedy mash up going on here and the absurdity of the premise. And, bonus, he’s a frustrated writer. I can relate.

Also watched I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore. When this went sideways, I about pissed myself. I wasn’t expecting that. So good. So creative. And, bonus, it has Elijah Wood. I need to dedicate a book to him too. Which reminds me, I need to create a Pinterest board of all the guys I’ve dedicated books to.

And finally, I fixed a bunch of clothing. Tell me I’m not the only one who has had a big box of “needs mending” stuff. Well, I tackled that box and I’ve never felt more accomplished. Buttons, tears, rips—I mended them all. And then I made myself some cookies.

Don't Buy My Love

UPDATE

Here is the link to request Crossing Lines for review:

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/18545563-don-t-buy-my-love-open-crossing-lines-by-bruce-rose-dbml-353

You must be a member of the Goodreads M/M group to request the book.

Weekend Update

On the TV front...

I binge watched Better Call Saul Season 2 and loved it as much as the first season! Great characters and amazing visuals. I love how they show these people doing seemingly mundane stuff that turns out to have major impact on their lives.

On the beer front...

Well, things weren't as good here. Had New Belgium Citradelic, an exotic Lime ale. There aren't enough GHAs in the world to describe how bad this tasted. The beer was too weak to carry off the sharpness of the lime. However, they do have a tangerine IPA that rocks, probably because of the stronger beer behind the flavor.

You can see from the pic it's got a decent head but it's pale and watery. Still, I have to give them props for expanding on their fruit infused selections. This one just didn't work for me. However, people who like lighter beers, for example, if you like Corona with lime, you'll love this. 

Better Call Saul

One of the funniest things I've ever seen!

My weekend plans include binge watching this show. I'm also going to try a few new beers. I'll post pics and reviews.

DBML #353

If you're a member of the Goodreads M/M romance readers group, you can get in on my first Don't Buy My Love offering.

I'm giving away 30 copies of Crossing Lines for review. The book was nominated for the Members' Choice Awards for Best Kink!

Breaking the rules never felt so good… 

Forced to drop out of law school, Steven Power became a private investigator. Ten years later a client gives him a chance for revenge, but shutting down a blackmail scheme won’t be easy. In order to succeed, Steven has to break a lot of rules, including dominating his compelling client.

When wealthy submissive Jonathan House lost his long-time Dom, he rushed into another relationship, only to find himself at the hands of an abusive blackmailer. Determined to be free of him, Jonathan hires Steven, but surrendering to his masterful PI wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan.

Both men are willing to cross the line between business and pleasure, but will they feel the same about crossing the line between sex and love?

Haiku

It matters not where

I go. I am always home

When I am with you

Update

All of my books are in the Kindle Unlimited program on Amazon until May 23, 2017. You can check them out here:

Bruce Rose Books at Amazon

Naked Came The Nude

Why in the world did you name your blog that?

Good question random voice in my head. I named my blog "Naked Came The Nude" because of MST3K #519 Outlaw of Gor. During the credits, Mike and the bots are riffing about the names of movies on the USA network and Mike tosses out "Naked Came The Nude." I've always thought it would make a great blog title.

But wait, there's more. As I researched the name to make sure no one else had it, I came across this lovely bit about a group of cheeky journalists who set out to

"...write a book that was both deliberately terrible and contained a lot of descriptions of sex, to illustrate the point that popular American literary culture had become mindlessly vulgar."

Which tickled me even more since I write erotica.

So that's the story behind the name of the blog. 😁